Marlies -- and me

All hope rests on the Marlies.

(My gawd, has it come to that, Mikey?)

I'm afraid so, sports fans. Yet another bleak post season has dawned in The City of Champing at the Bit.

The Leafs are done like a Christmas goose. So, too, the Raptors and Rock. The Blue Jays and Toronto FC are just starting. The Argos are but a twinkle in Pinball Clemons' eyes.

Which leaves the Marlies.

You may have heard of them, though I wager you've never seen them play.

The Marlies draw 2,200 fans at Ricoh Coliseum, on the CNE grounds, which seats 8,000.
I mean, c'mon. In a metropolis of rabid hockey fans?

"I don't understand it," says Marlies spokesman Trevor Van Knotsenburg from Winnipeg before last night's Round 1 opener against the mighty Moose.

"Toronto is the centre of the hockey universe and this is great hockey at a great price."

Yet nobody comes. Naturally, that changes in the playoffs.

"No, attendance goes down," says Van Knotsenburg. That's because advance group sales dry up in the post-season.

So, anyway, who and what are these guys?

Here's a guide, Marlies for Dummies, to put you in a post-season mood. Read it, and you can win tickets to Game 3 Sunday.

For starters, these Marlies are not the Marlies of my youth, short for Marlboros, a Junior A team.

This is the Leafs' farm club in the American Hockey League which includes the Crunch, the Wolf Pack, the River Rats, the Lake Erie Monsters, the Chops, the Rampage and, of course, the mighty Moose.

The Marlies roster is rife with has-been and wannabe Leafs, including Jiri Tlusty, Justin Pogge, Anton Stralman, Tim Stapleton and Bates Battaglia.

These guys need something to do in the NHL post-season.

Ticket prices are un-Leaf-like. Game-day seats start at $13, even in the playoffs. The platinums go for -- wait for it -- $38. At the ACC, they're $218, and who are you going to see that's much better than Bates Battaglia?

Best seats in the house -- well, take your pick -- are Section 116. The Dog Pound, named for the mascot, Duke.

Dog Pound denizen Vanessa Mariani, 26, says a core of 10 diehards is joined each game by a few dozen assorted other regulars.

She tells me they're still working on a decent chant.

"We say, 'Let's go, Marlies,' and if they score, we'll throw in, 'Let's get another one!'"

Hmmm. Spellbinding.

"We'll try to come up with something better this summer."

How about playing off the hit movie?

Marlies and Me!

Or ask TFC fans. They'll dream up something lively, and unprintable.

In fact, Marlies already have decided to go raunchier, a la TFC, at least on school nights when the family market dries up. Now, on Sundays, the cover band does Miley Cyrus, on weeknights the Rolling Stones.

The Marlies Girls, who dance in the stands, look a tad sexier for a Friday night game. Same for popular Melissa, the in-game host.

"She's got this rocker chick thing going on," says Mariani.

What else is hot about a Marlies game, Vanessa?

"The guys all play like they've got something to prove.

"And they interact. When they clinched on Friday, Phil Oreskovic was going crazy. Dancing, high-fiving fans and rubbing kids' heads."

Imagine a Leaf doing that.

So, let's see: Great hockey, great price, gritty ambiance and ... a near-deserted arena.
"I'm really disappointed with Toronto," says Mariani. "Everyone makes a big stink about the Leafs, and the Marlies are right here, winning.

"I don't think most people even realize they're in town."

Well, if you're one of the six million people in the GTA (including me) who've never seen a Marlies game, here's your chance.

I've got a juicy pair of tickets for each of five readers who can answer this question:
Who is NOT a Marlie? 1. Joe Ryan. 2. Ryan Hollweg. 3. Jennifer Aniston. 4. Ben Ondrus.

E-mail me by noon tomorrow, with correct answer, your name and phone number. I'll draw five entries.

Let's mash those Moose!

MIKE STROBEL'S COLUMN RUNS WEDNESDAY TO FRIDAY, AND SUNDAY. MIKE.STROBEL@SUNMEDIA.CA OR 416-947-2265.

SOURCE: torontosun.com